Choosing the right
match for yourself or for your children is one of the most challenging tasks. A
lot of young Muslims try to find their way through the marriage process. It is
tough to have clarity on what is permissible in Islam and what is not. What should
be done and what should not be. The Do’s and Don’ts of Muslim Marriage shared in this blog will help you or your children
prepare in advance. It will help you gain better understanding of the Islamic
way of getting married.
• Do perform
Istikhara:
Allah is the
ultimate planner, there is no power which could go against his will, and
therefore it is important to ask him for guidance before taking such a major
decision.
One should recite
the Istekhara supplication and put their trust in Allah, particularly when you
considering a specific candidate.
There are proper
guidelines to perform Istekhara which should be strictly followed. The
interpretation of Istekhara is also a challenge; therefore, it is highly
advisable for you to involve a religious scholar to help you out with it.
• Do Have a Certain
Criteria in Your Mind:
It is important to
know what exactly are you or your child looking for in a partner. A checklist
should be made mention all the requirements to focus on.
The list should
entail all the tangible and character requirements. Later, spend some time on
prioritizing the listed requirements. Place your emphasis more on the
intangibles (Values, Character, Mannerism, etc.) than superficial requirements
(Beauty, Financial Status, etc). In addition to that, list down the names of
friends and family members who can help you find out your match.
• Do Not Reject
Someone if They Don’t Completely Match Your Criteria:
Being flexible is
the key. Don’t be adamant on finding someone who 100% match your criteria. At
times we think what we want, but we actually don’t unless we meet someone who
proves us wrong. Remain open to options and don’t reject people straightaway
without knowing them.
• Do Opt For
‘Halal’ Dating:
With the advent of
social media and modern technology, the idea of Muslim marriage has altered
drastically. Similarly, the divorce rate among Muslims is also on an increasing
trend. To prevent such problems and ensure smooth after-marriage life,
candidates should be allowed to meet each other while remaining within the
parameters set my Islam.
• Don’t Hurry:
Do not rush into
marriage. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, so the decision should be made
after thorough research, examination and investigation. Spend some time to get
to know the candidate, the family and their way of living, take opinion from
mutual friends/ relatives then make any decision.
• Do Seek
References:
Another important
Do of the Muslim Marriage is to look for references. Try to find as many common
contacts as possible so that validation of the provided information becomes
possible. It is important to confirm all the information before the wedding to
eliminate any possibility of fraud.
• Don’t Float The
News Before Time:
The whole process
of finding the right mate can be very exciting and overwhelming, but one should
act rationally. One of the chief don’ts of the Muslim marriage is the one
should not rush into breaking the news to everyone. This act can backfire. Too
many opinions of others might confuse you. The rule should be that you
shouldn’t say anything to anyone unless you have had at-least 3 meetings with
the candidate’s family. Ensure that you share the news with mature/ sound
people whose advice might actually be of some value to you.
• Do Initiate:
If you feel that
you have searched enough and have found the right match, don’t hesitate to
initiate. Make sure that you interest is communicated to the other party
effectively. Don’t fear rejection, it is a part of the game. But, if you won’t
take a chance, you might regret it later.
• Do Not Completely
Rely On Others’ Opinion:
Do not involve your
friends and family members all the time to evaluate the situation and put
forward their say. It is important for you to let them meet the candidate once
or twice but not more than that. It is important for the ‘guy and girl’ to form
their own opinion by meet each other.
• Do Be Humble and
Courteous to Everyone:
People are drawn to
positive people so be at your best and be as courteous as possible all the
time. Who knows, a kind gesture might buy you space in someone’s heart and
leads you to an excellent proposal. Kind and gentle people also get recommended
to others (looking for appropriate match) by their friends, relatives and
family.
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